{this porcelain heart}

So, I've been thinking. (Dangerous, I know)

 

Change is inevitable. We all react differently to change.

 

I usually shun change. Unless I initiate it of course. But for that change which is thrust upon us, we very often run. While in the state of escape, however, we become the very thing that we run from. It is a chain reaction in our own lives. To run from change, we must change ourselves

 

Perhaps change is good. You adapt. You live. And isn't that what we're supposed to do? 

 

I am working through things right now.

 

And as someone once said to me, "Sometimes you just have to make a new life for yourself".

 

I will sound terribly depressing when I say, I have done that for the past 3 years. I should be used to it already.

So my little baby sis is leaving home for the first time soon... I'm so excited for her... and excited for me because that means that I'm leaving soon too!! She's all packed and ready to go... and it makes me wish I could go back and relive the transition from high school to University. I love new beginnings... fresh starts. Every year, I get this feeling. The feeling that I can do anything, go anywhere. Life is ripe with possibilities.

Only 3 more weeks! I am excited out of my shorts!!  

I just don't know what to think or do. What I do know, is that I'm in denial. That's past the crying stage (for now). At least I have a job that keeps me busy here in LC. By the time I get home I'm so exhausted that I don't really have too much time to think. I've pretty much mastered not thinking anyways so its all good.

The thing about me that really sucks, is that I have a survival mode. This mode pushes everything away. Sort of like I'm in shock. Nothing has happened. Not to me. I guess its my way of dealing with things. Its gonna be really crappy when I go back to school though. Everything will come back in a rush.

I feel awkward.

I don't know what to do.

I've thought everything there is to think, so now I don't think anymore.

I've blown my nose so many times that the skin on it has almost hardened (kinda gross I know hahaha).

But still, it doesn't go away.

It won't go away.

But I guess I have to accept that.