So, I've been thinking. (Dangerous, I know)

 

Change is inevitable. We all react differently to change.

 

I usually shun change. Unless I initiate it of course. But for that change which is thrust upon us, we very often run. While in the state of escape, however, we become the very thing that we run from. It is a chain reaction in our own lives. To run from change, we must change ourselves

 

Perhaps change is good. You adapt. You live. And isn't that what we're supposed to do? 

 

I am working through things right now.

 

And as someone once said to me, "Sometimes you just have to make a new life for yourself".

 

I will sound terribly depressing when I say, I have done that for the past 3 years. I should be used to it already.

So my little baby sis is leaving home for the first time soon... I'm so excited for her... and excited for me because that means that I'm leaving soon too!! She's all packed and ready to go... and it makes me wish I could go back and relive the transition from high school to University. I love new beginnings... fresh starts. Every year, I get this feeling. The feeling that I can do anything, go anywhere. Life is ripe with possibilities.

Only 3 more weeks! I am excited out of my shorts!!  

I just don't know what to think or do. What I do know, is that I'm in denial. That's past the crying stage (for now). At least I have a job that keeps me busy here in LC. By the time I get home I'm so exhausted that I don't really have too much time to think. I've pretty much mastered not thinking anyways so its all good.

The thing about me that really sucks, is that I have a survival mode. This mode pushes everything away. Sort of like I'm in shock. Nothing has happened. Not to me. I guess its my way of dealing with things. Its gonna be really crappy when I go back to school though. Everything will come back in a rush.

I feel awkward.

I don't know what to do.

I've thought everything there is to think, so now I don't think anymore.

I've blown my nose so many times that the skin on it has almost hardened (kinda gross I know hahaha).

But still, it doesn't go away.

It won't go away.

But I guess I have to accept that.

So I'm not working as a swamper anymore. Yup. It was too manly and the dude who was supposed to be teaching me the ropes had a superiority complex or some chauvinistic ideal. Hahaha my boyfriend was right. I need a 'girl job'. Anyways, not much is new with me, other than the fact that I am a vagrant in search of a job. A glorified bum, in other words. But I am hoping that I will get a job here in La Crete - I will know tomorrow. If not I am hoping to get a job in Fairview. We'll see. I don't really care so much right now because I finally got to talk to my boyfriend. Its been almost 2 months! And I got to talk to him for 27 minutes woo hooo! Haha ok you must think I'm crazy.

Well, I am.

Anyways, I should go and spend a lil time with my poor sister who's not feeling well at the moment. Ciao peoples and have a wicked awesome afternoon! I know I will!

So as many of you probably already know, I am no longer in La Crete. I have moved close to Beaverlodge to work for my Uncle. Now, my uncle is in Mexico with his family now so basically I've been doing yard work and etc for him. Its not alot of fun because I'm alone most of the time and I get really bored. I think about things.

Like the cows across the road. Don't even get me started about the cows. They moo and moo and moo. At first I thought maybe they were being tortured. It sure sounded like it. Then I thought, maybe... um... well its springtime. Maybe they're twitterpated. Then I thought - maybe they're just retarded. Its very possible. I mean, they were running across the road at one point. But yeah. Enough about the cows.

When I first got here, I had to rake the lawn. Now normally this isn't so bad. Even the fact that its a very large yard with lots of trees didn't phase me. But raking leaves here doesn't just mean raking leaves. It means raking up all the little piles of presents that the deers left for me. I definitely know that they eat their fibre.  Oh and there's the ants. There was at least 15 ant hills in the backyard that I constantly had to remember not to step in. Yeah. I love raking leaves.

But it wasn't all bad. I went golfing the other day with Trevor (the guy that I work with) and Kim (his girlfriend). I realized, I don't suck as bad as I thought I did. I'm still no Tiger Woods, but I know I can hit the ball! I lost like three balls in the water though. Anyways, I had one freakin amazing shot. And that makes me happy.

So now maybe I should talk about what I've been doing lately. There was a lean-to built onto the side of the barn and it collapsed (no I didn't do it, it was like that before I came) so my task was to take all the rusty old bent nails out of every board. I'm still not done. It's a long and boring and hard process. Yesterday or the day before (I don't remember. All the days blur together) I was alone on the farm and sitting out by the lean-to taking a break from the monotony. Then I remember that I should probably feed the cats... so I do that. Then this one crazy cat (I'll call him Bob.) decides to start following me around. All of the sudden I disappear and Bob just starts meowing and crying so I call to it and it comes to me. And it won't leave!! And it keeps scratching and biting itself. Oh great. The crazy cat has fleas.

Oh crazy Bob.

Anyways, I can't think of anything else now except that I am cold and I need mittens.

Ciao peoples.

I am sore. I haven't been this sore since... hmmm... I don't know. Probably since I was on the basketball team in high school. Yesterday was so much fun. I was shopping in the mall for gifts when I met up with Kana, Sara and Uys. Then we (they picked up Nick) all went to the University to play badminton and ping pong and whatever else we decided to do. While the boys were setting up the ping pong table, Sara and I decided to try to play badminton in the little room we were in. That wasn't working so Nick suggested we go to the gym. Which of course we did. So I took on Nick and Sara. I'm sorry to say --- I creamed them 25-1. Then everyone came into the gym and we decided to play basketball. Thats when the fun started. I of course play like a maniac (110%) and since I am totally not in shape I tired almost instantly. Then someone stepped on my foot and my toe started to turn purple. So yeah, pretty much after that, I was useless. Then we went to Lafayette Park to watch cricket. I fielded for a while til I got bored of just standing there, so I just fooled around one of the extra cricket balls with Erika and a guy from Bangledesh (I feel really bad that I don't remember his name...). All of us girls just kinda crashed on the grass and we were talking about cricket and how much or little we knew... One guy was really surprised that I knew what a LBW was... hahaha and Jo taught us some hand signals... so far I know like 4 or 5 signals. Then we went to Dairy Queen. Yup. That was one adventure-filled day.

I am so sore...

I'm still waiting on my massage.

Always promised, never fulfilled.

Hahaha.

Sleep, sleep, wherefore art thou sleep? I seek thee, but I cannot taste of thee. Mine studies do prohibit me from indulging this flesh. A fortnight must I wait, nay, a fortnight and 6. Then mine eyes may rest.

I await thee, Sandman.

In the last 5 days, I have gotten 15 hours of sleep. Not the most healthy I suppose. So I'm really tired and unmotivated. And klutzy. I tripped on stairs three times while I was walking to my first class this morning. The girl in front of me must have thought I was a retard or something haha. Anyways I think I'm gonna do some work. Then sleep. My poor body.